She’s always crying. My god, this girl is always crying. Tears falling from the corners of those piercing black eyes of hers. Like a river that never dries. Like it’s her full-time, god damn job.
Shoulda known. Shoulda told her I don’t like cry babies like her. I’m almost 40, for Christ’s sake. Don’t date an older man if you can’t deal with reality, I tell her. People get busy, I tell her. Deal with it.
She’s melting into the couch, swallowed by her sadness. Stiff like a statue. Her eyes glued to the floor like they’re having a starring contest. It’s hard to believe this sadness really has everything to do with me. I tell her I have nothing left to give. What more does she want from me?
Her lips in a quarter moon, turned upside down. A pout. I tell her she’s gonna get wrinkles if she stays like that too long. I laugh and she doesn’t and the echos of my laughter fade into silence.
She waits for me to say the right thing - that it’s okay that she’s crying, that I’m sorry for not trying harder, that I actually want to be here. But I don’t say anything.
There is nothing left to say that hasn’t been said, except to finalize it. Put a punctuation on the end of ‘us.’ Set us both free. My god, please set me free!
Her leg jumps up and down, up and down, trembling like an earthquake. Her lips part and she asks me what I want. I don’t know what she’s asking, I tell her. What kind of question is that?
Her annoyance grows in all directions. Her bottom lip quivers. Oh, hell, man, I’m tired. She’s waiting for me to revive what never was. We sit like this for a while, not meeting each other’s eyes on opposite sides of the couch. A couch that once held intimate moments: sharing food, our bodies entangled.
I wait for her to say something but she’s frozen in time. This is ‘us.’ Broken from the beginning. I get up and bend over her, my lips touching her forehead. I tell her I’m sorry, and I’m sorry my sorries are empty now. We’re too far gone. She doesn’t speak, she stays frozen. I tell her I’m going to leave now, I’m going now, if she has nothing left to say I’m sorry and I’ll leave her be.